TRUMPD’s $180M mining mood board: making pickaxes great again
Trump pledges $180 million in mining grants, gold-rush rhetoric, and career pipelines while Lutnick frames rocks as national security. Satire News prices the vibes line item.
Court to TRUMPD’s ballroom: cool story, call the House
D.C. Circuit says Trump needed Congress before razing the East Wing for a 90,000-sq-ft ballroom. Satire News prices the gilded hard-hat fantasy.
TRUMPD vs COOKL: sequel season at the Fed — PolitiCap prices the pink-slip tape
Two months after the Supreme Court let Lisa Cook (COOKL) keep her Fed seat pending suit, Trump (TRUMPD) is back with notice to fire her. Civic markets love a central-bank sequel.
TRUMPD yelled stay for the voting bill — senators Ubered to recess on the PolitiCap tape
Trump (TRUMPD) demanded the Senate stay for proof-of-citizenship voting rules. Predawn Saturday they adjourned anyway. Civic-market traders price the sprint to the airport.
SCHUMC said Democrats support voter ID — then the whole caucus voted no on PolitiCap tape
Chuck Schumer (SCHUMC) told America Democrats back voter ID — then every Senate Democrat blocked Jon Husted’s bill. On the PolitiCap civic market, that double-speak is pure accountability signal.
TRUMPD: ample munitions — and prosecutors for anyone who said otherwise
Trump says U.S. firepower is ample and wants leakers who claimed munitions shortages prosecuted — PolitiCap prices the readiness boast on the civic market.
TRUMPD tape: FBI’s Oxferd Comma probe and the zero that tried to beat FOIA
Declassified memos show an Oxferd Comma Russia-linked probe after the Comey firing — PolitiCap prices TRUMPD, COMEYJ, WRAYC on the civic market.
TRUMPD deportation tape: war refugees, later crimes, record returns to Vietnam and Laos
The Times says the Trump administration is returning record numbers of Vietnamese, Laotian and Hmong with criminal records — PolitiCap prices TRUMPD enforcement attention.
VANCEJD online: insults, expletives, and fat-shaming as the VP trolls left and right
The Times says Vice President JD Vance treats online conflict as routine — PolitiCap prices VANCEJD crowd attention on the civic market.
TRUMPD tells donors “we need to elect JD”: VANCEJD leads RUBIOM on 2028 succession tape
President Trump privately told donors “we need to elect JD,” Fox confirms — PolitiCap prices VANCEJD vs RUBIOM as 2028 succession heat hits the civic market.
